10 Ways for New Parents to Reduce Stress
Parenting, while rewarding, can carry a heavy burden of stress. 33% of parents in 2023 reported high levels of stress in the past month, compared to only 20% of nonparents. What this looks like changes as children grow up: in early childhood parents are sleep-deprived and transitioning into their new roles, while in mid-childhood and adolescence parents can get worn down with managing their child’s development and curbing risky behaviors.
In this article we will examine some of the typical sources of parental stress today, and share tips for making parenting a more positive experience, especially as a new parent.
Common Stressors for Parents
The Surgeon General’s Advisory includes the following as factors leading to parental stress in 2024:
Financial - With rising childcare costs, having a child is even more expensive than in the past. 66% of parents were worried about finances (compared to 39% of other adults) in 2023, and a quarter of parents said they didn’t always have enough money for basic needs in the past year.
Time - To combat financial worries, both parents tend to work more. When they come home, they are spending more time with their kids than they have in the past. While that is a good thing, the combination of work and taking care of their kids can take away from sleep, self-care, and quality time with their partner.
Wellbeing of Child - Parents are concerned for their children’s health, development, mental state, and safety. And when they have a child with a special health care need, it wears down their own mental health.
Loneliness - Parenthood, especially single parenthood, can leave people feeling left out and isolated. In 2021, 65% of parents (and 77% of single parents) experienced loneliness, compared to 55% of nonparents.
Societal Expectations - With social media it is even easier to compare with other parents and become stressed about reaching a so-called parenting standard.
Tips for New Parents to Reduce Stress
Caring for a newborn is a uniquely stressful part of parenting. Here are 10 ways for new parents to reduce stress, according to Dr. Tamar Gur of Wexner Medical Center:
1) Figure out parental leave
Negotiate with your employer, if you can, for the amount of time that works best for you. For some parents, it is helpful to extend your leave for a longer period by only taking off a few days a week, rather than staying home 24/7.
2) Say yes to help
Dr. Gur says, “Now is the time to accept every form of help,” whether that’s your neighbor’s lasagna or babysitting for an evening. Make sure your partner knows that you want and expect help, as they may be afraid of stepping up in case they do something wrong.
3) Set up mental health care before your due date
If you’re worried about getting postpartum depression, especially if you have a history of anxiety or depression, find a therapist or psychiatrist while you’re still pregnant so you already have a support system in place.
4) Shower, get dressed, and go outside every day
These simple tasks can feel insurmountable with a newborn, but they will help you to feel more human.
5) Make sleep a priority
It’s important to get at least four consecutive hours of sleep to feel rested. If you have a supportive partner, ask them to trade off feedings at night.
6) Sleep—or do something relaxing—while the baby sleeps
Not everyone is able to nap while the baby is sleeping, but even doing a calm activity you enjoy can help with self-care.
7) Have your partner or a trusted friend or family member check in on you
Motherhood can be all-consuming, with the moms laser-focused on their newborns. You need a second pair of eyes to notice when you’re not taking care of yourself.
8) Avoid major life decisions for now
Sleep deprivation can cause you to make decisions you wish you hadn’t. Hold off for the first six months of the baby’s life, until better sleep and a routine make your problems more manageable.
9) Make a return-to-self game plan
Parenthood doesn’t have to mean dropping all your hobbies. Make a plan to bring some of them back within the first three postpartum months. You need time to be yourself, not just a parent.
10) Monitor postpartum depression symptoms
Watch for symptoms of postpartum depression, which can include a lack of enjoyment in life, crying for no reason, feeling hopeless, and feeling like a terrible parent. If they do creep up, reach out to Options Mankato or your obstetrician, who can recommend you resources.
More Ways to Manage Stress
According to the American Psychological Association, chronic exposure to stressful situations can lead to burnout—a state of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a decrease in self-fulfillment. They advise the following to manage stress and burnout as a parent:
Talk about it - It can feel shameful to admit you need help. Everyone else seems like they have their life together. But you’re not the only one struggling—up to 5 million US parents experience parental burnout each year. Find a non-judgemental community of parents where you can share your experiences with, such as a moderated social media group or a support group like Foundations of Fatherhood. Reach out to a mental health provider if the stress feels insurmountable.
Change your perspective & make small changes - While you can’t always completely fix your situation, there are still things that are in your control. Try to reframe your perspective by noticing what you’re thankful for and approaching your difficulties as challenges to overcome rather than as threats. Look for ways to cut back on some of the smaller stressors that wear you down over time: for example, adjusting who does which chores, cutting down on the number of activities your child is involved in, or asking a friend or family member to help with childcare.
Grow your parenting skills - Dr. Lisa Coyne, a senior clinical consultant at McLean Hospital OCD Institute and an assistant professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School, says, “Because burnout is marked by a disconnect in how you’re parenting now and who you were before, growing in their parenting skills can give parents a sense of efficacy in decreasing parenting-related stressors and, as a result, mitigate feelings of burnout.” Seminars and classes about life coaching, parenting, and relationships, such as the programs we offer at Options Mankato, can give you the tools you need to become a better parent.
Stop saying “should” - Perfectionism can increase the likelihood of burnout. Instead of saying, “I should…” try saying, “It would be great if…” When we align our expectations with reality, it makes the situation more bearable.
Take microbreaks - A full vacation away from kids isn’t practical for many parents. But even tiny breaks, like 5 minutes of deep breathing or meditation in the bathroom or car, can increase your resilience. While in this private zone, give yourself compassion, reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can.
Find meaning - Reconnect with your values and reorient yourself to the meaningful aspects of parenting. It can be easy to get lost in the drudgery, so take the time to schedule a special activity with your family, like a walk through the park or watching a favorite movie. As you do so, think about your kids’ positive qualities and ways you’ve provided for them.
Where can I find support as a new parent?
You don’t have to go through it alone. Options Mankato is here to provide assistance and support. You can earn supplies as you learn to care for your baby through our IMPACT program, build relationship skills through REAL Essentials, or set goals for yourself with a Life Coach. In addition, new fathers can learn how to be active parents in our Foundations of Fatherhood classes. All of these resources are completely free. Sign up today!
